


The Depression Palace

by XxDreamxX



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Oh Sehun, Depression, Dom/sub Undertones, Family Member Death, Healing, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hope, Injury, Internalized Homophobia, Love, M/M, Rimming, Romance, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Top Kim Jongin | Kai, Trigger warning for homophobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:07:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxDreamxX/pseuds/XxDreamxX
Summary: This story is about Kai and his depression palace. A dark corner of his mind where he keeps everything he runs away from and that includes a portrait of Sehun. Its about his miserable life and how he ran away from his instinct,his innate desires all his life to ultimately find solace in their embrace. Its about acceptance and healing and living.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	The Depression Palace

Who am I? What is the purpose of all of this? Why am I here? Questions he had asked himself innumerable amount of times futilely as there existed no answer to any of them. He had read various books, watched many philosophical people answer these questions but to no avail as there really just wasn’t an answer to these. That had been his conclusion and so , he had stopped asking these questions all together.

For Kai life was just about living but sometimes he just didn’t want to do that. There were times when all of life would become too much and he desired deeply for it all to snap ,so that he could finally taste freedom. Kai wanted to press the stop button on his life and be done with this shit.

Suicidal thoughts, depression, irrational fears, all several tiers of hell created by the folds of his mind. This hell fire licked at his mind all the time, day and night, it burned behind his skull, melting away his joy, resilience and will to live.

He was this utterly depressed 23 year old below average law student with a very bleak future in sight. His gullible parents simply refused to see him as anything other than a prodigy but Kai knew the reality.

He was in a limbo, living with nil energy to do anything. His passion for passions was waning, he was failing his classes, and he was losing his grip on life. His desires were fading; he was getting gloomier and gloomier as days passed.

Kai didn’t want to kill himself but this irrational fear bogged him down, clawed behind his irises making his eyes teary ,the fear of what if that would be his only option to escape this hell.

“Kai, are you listening?” His mother’s pale face assaulted his vision; her brows furrowed lucidly showing her worry.

“What?”

“You’re always lost somewhere sweetie. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry mum, I’ll go”

He stood from their family dining table and grabbed his bag, swinging his bag on his shoulders he made his way out of the house. He was zoning out a lot lately, mid conversation his mind would switch and boom he was in the depression palace in his mind. The depression palace was an aphotic corner of his mind that had sinister fears, thoughts swirling like a whirlpool in its midst, upon entering it he would be sucked into it and willingly would never be able to make out of it. It was always some voice of somebody pulling him into reality. He feared one day he would crack and would never be able to make out of there.

“Kai I’m so sorry for your loss.” A sweet voice and an even sweeter face ,that was how he described Sehun.

He had first seen the other sitting alone on a bus stop mid rain. He had looked pissed but beautiful all the same. Kai had been struck with something then and that something he persistently refused to recognize because obviously he was straight.

“Thank you Sehun.”

“You shouldn’t have come.” Sehun muttered, all solemn, sympathy dripping from his dark brown eyes.

“It’s all right, don’t worry.”

Kai had seen something pretty and decided to move on but of course life was an intricate bastard. Sehun was introduced as a new student in his class and had decided to sit next to him ,god only knows why.

That was the end of their conversation. Sehun had tried multiple times and still tried to be all chummy with him but Kai knew it would be best for him if he kept his distance. His gut told him Sehun just wasn’t good news.

“You finished your assignment?”

“Yeah”

“god damnnn I still haven’t” well Sehun was really trying hard today,han.

He looked beautiful as always which was uncanny. Men weren’t supposed to be beautiful, they were supposed to be rugged, strong, virile. Kai wasn’t even one these either but well He wasn’t beautiful so he was a man, well Sehun was a man too ,okay pause, the thoughts were spiraling. At this point he didn’t even know what he was thinking.

“Kai?..” Sehun’s immaculate dark brows furrowed ,he looked worried. What was with people being all worried around him.

“ yeah?”

“well I was just saying, you look great today.” Sehun smiled, his pink lips stretched just as his eyes crinkled, this was what they said when ones smile would reach their eyes. How can someone’s lips be this pink naturally ,must be a lipstick.

“what!” Sehun looked surprised. No fuckin way, did he say that out loud.

“Lipstick?! W-well not lipstick but a little bam is what I use. It is tinted balm….” Sehun looked uncomfortable now, his right hand combed through his dark curls as he bit his lip.

Kai nodded and turned away his head. God ,he despised conversations. He just wanted to go home and sleep. It was morning and he already felt famished.

“ Kai you don’t have to come, you know that right?” His teacher Mr Kang was in his 50s. He was already bald and his face was all wrinkly and he constantly reminded kai of his grandfather. The feature that was starkly similar to his grandfather‘s were the others shaking hands. The trembling hands were currently resting on his shoulders. Kai stood a head taller than the other and looked down at the slouching frail old man.

“It’s alright Mr kang. Don’t worry.”

“ Your father was a wonderful man. He will be proud of how strong you’ve become. Any problem ,you can always come to me. You got that?”

Kai nodded his head, the trembling hands now dug on his shoulders, leaving burning welts in their wake.

“ I’m so sorry Kai, Your injury is too severe. You can’t continue anymore. I’m really sorry.” Mr cho was their football coach. He had been a revered national judo player but had sustained several career ending injuries just after his prime. His career graph had been on an incline and then boom a sharp and immediate decline due to his injuries ,maybe that’s why he looked so dejected, as if he could really empathize.

“ I get it coach, don’t worry.” Kai nodded and shook the other’s hand.

He desperately needed to go home.

His brother’s body was thundering in their hug. He could feel the other quake against his chest, he felt his shirt get wet with tears and snot, and he felt the other’s cries reverberate against his ear. Lucas had been crying nonstop in his arms for 5 days now. Every night he would go into his little brother’s room to find the chap sniffling. His heart would press tightly against his chest at the sight and he would leap and pull his younger brother into a crushing hug, letting him let it all out.

“what will…..we do now bro?” His voice quite, tremored.

“ I got you, I got you and ma. Don’t worry. Okay. I got you.” That was all he could say. He knew hearing this would calm the kid. Kai didn’t know if he was lying or not but it surely felt like he was.

“ you’re hired. You can start the night shift tomorrow.”

Kai nodded. Good . 2 jobs. Day and night. Not enough but something. He didn’t sleep in the night anyway. So it was fine.

“ Excuse me?”

Kai shook his head and apologized. He zoned out again. Fuck.

Kai was fucking everything up as of late. He won’t fuck up at the jobs though, they needed money. They desperately needed money.

“ thank you so much.” He leapt up and ran out of the building at lightning speed. His soon to be employer had started to give him weird eyes.

“ Sehun is gay.” Kai felt his eyes widen and his body go still.

“no fucking way! He’s a faggot! How did you find out?” He was currently in his seat at the last bench near the window and eavesdropping into the conversation at his adjacent desk.

“He was on grindr.” The three boys who kai remembered by face only giggled furiously.

“Fuck ,knew that pretty mouth was only good for sucking dick!”

Kai felt his fist form and looked up as the conversation abruptly stopped.

Sehun had entered the class room. His hair was messy curls,lips tinted darker pink and he was wearing a pink hoodie and blue jeans. He looked especially sweeter today. He smiled as kai’s eyes met his and made a beeline towards their seat.

“Morning “ he beamed at kai but frowned when furious chuckles from adjacent desk greeted him instead.

Kai didn’t reply and stood up to let the other slide in. He kept his gaze at the floor and refused to acknowledge the other’s eyes. He wasn’t a faggot. Kai didn’t want more trouble in his fucked up life. He was no longer going to entertain the boy’s presence. He abhorred gays and hell would freeze over if he ever was going to associate with a faggot.

Sehun ,clearly hurt kept looking his way through the entirety of the class but Kai kept ignoring him. He didn’t need this shit in his life.

“ We might have to move.” His mother announced her voice grief stricken.

“ where?” Lucas replied, his voice empty, expressing no emotion.

“ I don’t know. Lucas you have to help me look since kai is so busy with two jobs and school. Okay?”

“Okay” Lucas looked grim, angry as he glared into his dinner.

“Kai, you want me to pack you something for work?” his mother asked, mouth stretched into a sad smile.

“no need mum,I’ll buy something. You rest, kay?” He answered with his own.

His mother nodded .

Kai was currently in his depression palace. The palace had grown and upon entry he was greeted by a huge portrait of his father hugging their deceased pet Labrador max. He would step inside the palace limping as he took support of a black staff adorned by a dog’s sculpture at the top. His limp would worsen as he would explore his palace more. A new addition had been made recently into his palace, a portrait of Sehun. That bewildered Kai to no extent.

“ kai, can you please clean the table no.3 ?” Kai blinked and cursed. This was becoming a problem. He took hold of a wash cloth and made his way to the designated table only to be greeted by a visage he had just been greeted by moment’s ago.

Sehun was sitting at the table beside what appeared to be a dude in his late 20s.

He was glaring at kai, clearly pissed. Kai had moved his seat away from Sehun and had blocked the boy from all his socials. Sehun had stopped trying to approach kai now too. Life was somewhat better again.

“ I would like to order a veg sandwich and coke please.” He muttered, looking down at the menu and refusing to meet kai’s eyes.

“okay.”

“ I would like to order the same. Thank you.” Sehun’s ‘date’ said, smiling and all kai wanted to do was break the dude’s teeth.

“got it” He left the table pissed.

Fuck that faggot.

Sehun’s face was swollen. His lip was bleeding and he was crying. He had his elbows up in front of his face as he was manhandled and beaten up. They were the same guys from his class whose conversation kai had eavesdropped. 

Kai gulped; taking in a huge gush of air he threw his bag to the floor and ran for the group.

“ FUCKIN STOP YOU FUCKERS” He yelled. Sehun shocked, teary eyed looked at his way and then he was upon the boys, beating them into a bloody pulp. He knew how to give a good beating, maybe it was because he himself had been beaten up so many times in his life before.

He punched, kicked and got punched, kicked but didn’t stop. He gave as good as he got and felt his nose, lips bleed.

Sehun was hugging him all of a sudden, pulling him back. “STOP! You will kill yourself! Stop!” the sweet boy yelled. He pushed sehun away and kept going and going. In the middle of it, he had started crying too ,sobbing ,his body shaking with pain and anger.

He felt strong hands separate them sometime later and saw security guards. Mr kang was yelling something but nothing registered. He felt thinks becoming foggy and then he saw black, maybe he was going back to his depression palace again.

The first thing he saw when he awoke was the face of beaten up and somehow still beautiful Sehun. He looked sad as tears trailed down his cheeks. His eyes widened as his eyes met kai’s and abruptly he ran out of the room, yelling and calling for a nurse. Kai was so tired that he closed his eyes again.

Apparently the faggot had stayed with him the entire night, refusing to go home even after kai’s family had insisted. Great ,not only had he saved the faggot but the bitch was acting like kai’s lover and now everyone would call kai a faggot too.

“ I know you don’t like me” sehun muttered looking at him. They were still in the hospital room, apparently he had fractured his ribs and shit. So he was going to stay here for a few more weeks which meant a lot of money drying up and that meant kai would have to work even more after being discharged, great.

“I know you know that I’m gay and I know that you hate gays. That explains why you suddenly stopped sitting next to me but still ,thank you for what you did.” Sehun was crying now again, great.

Did Kai hate gays? Maybe he didn’t hate them as much as he feared them. He feared being infected by sehun, becoming gay himself. He already had a dreadful life ,imagine being gay on top of that. His father had always wanted grandkids and if he was gay how would he give his ma and pa the thing they wanted the most. Fuckin never.

“Sehun.” Kai murmured .

Sehun glanced at him.

“can you just leave me alone.”

Sehun stilled. He hung his head and nodded. “I’m so sorry for all the trouble”

Kai closed his eyes just as he heard a bang of his hospital door closing. It was for the better.

Lucas was getting married. His stupid little brother was getting married.

“Big bro, All done” Lucas patted his bowtie ,smiling at kai and kai overcome with joy abruptly pulled the little fucker into a tight hug.

“I love you.” Kai muttered,kissing the boy’s forehead.

“I know” The naughty boy winked and giggled.

“are you happy?” Kai asked ,his brows furrowed.

“yeah.” Lucas embraced him again and kai closed his eyes, muttering to himself in his mouth “ma Lucas is happy, you be happy too okay.”

“Let’s gooooo. We need the best man and the groom please.” The event manager and Kai’s ex wife Sara yelled, in a haste.

They both nodded ,making their way to the wedding hall.

“You’re all smiles han? Sarah smirked,winking.

“yeah.” Kai replied. Sarah looked beautiful in her pink mini bridesmaid’s dress. Kai was glad that they were able to make this friendship thing work after such a messy divorce.

He was happy but his depression palace was growing enormous every day. After all these years ,it was still there, just as dark and just as frightening.

“where is mark?” kai asked.

“I left him with mother.”

Kai nodded.

Kai saw him. It must’ve been a decade now but he was just as beautiful. He was smiling ,his lips just as pink and curls just as soft looking. He was in a white shirt with shiny, gold necklaces cradling his delicate, pale neck. Was it an illusion? Or could it really be…

Sehun lifted his gaze from the menu and glanced at his direction. His dark eyes widened just as his eyes met his and as if burned, he immediately looked away.

Kai glanced at his company then and took a swig out of his wine glass. He was Sehun, the reaction confirmed that it was not an illusion.

“ the client wants us to settle the dispute at the earliest by 15th may..”

Kai nodded, pretending to listen to the conversation of his colleagues. He lifted his eyes again,looking through the edge of his wine glass he looked at Sehun’s direction again. The man was ignoring him now and not even daring a glance by mistake. He looked uncomfortable and restless. Abruptly, the other stood and excused himself most probably to go to the washroom.

Kai didn’t know what came over him but he shortly excused himself as well and made his way to the washroom. This was utterly dangerous ,what he was doing but he just couldn’t stop.

He opened the door to the washroom and there Sehun stood, in front of the large mirror ,spreading the balm on his lips lightly with his fingers. Sehun didn’t stir and kept on doing it as kai made his way inside the bathroom.

He stopped behind Sehun with his both hands tucked in his pants pocket. He looked at Sehun through the mirror but Sehun kept ignoring him, highly focused on applying balm. His wrist adorned by gold thin bracelet looked elegant.

“How have you been?” Sehun asked, his voice ending the awkward silence.

“Good.” Kai replied.

Sehun chuckled. “Still a man of few words I see.”

“On a date?” Kai probed.

This time Sehun giggled.

“and ,If I say, I was?? Does that make you want to vomit?”

Kai felt his jaw tighten but he stayed quiet.

Sehun finally turned, there was a trace of something in his eyes before they hardened. “I’ll leave then. Good knowing you.”

Kai grabbed the man’s arm before he could leave.

“I’m sorry.” He ground out.

“Smh, doesn’t sound like you are though but I’ll take that. Can you let go of me now, my date is waiting.” Sehun replied, clearly pissed.

Kai let go and watched as Sehun immediately ran out of the bathroom as if he couldn’t wait to take a dash sooner.

This was for the better he thought. This was for the better.

He saw Sehun again and again and again. It was as if life was playing a cruel joke. What worried Kai even more was how in every encounter Sehun looked even better than before.

They were again in a restaurant , Sehun was again seated right in front of their table and dressed now in a silk violet shirt, a few front buttons of which were undone and exposed his pale chest and just like before his neck was covered in jewels. He looked absolutely stunning.

Sehun had stopped ignoring his stares now. He would repeatedly glance in his direction from time to time,giving him seductive winks and smirks and kai would just return the man with blank looks. 

Sehun would suddenly get up and excuse himself which was a signal for Kai to do the same and then they would have a brief, unnecessary conversation in the washroom. That had become their dance.

And so just as he saw Sehun getting up ,Kai knew what he must do. They met again in the washroom and this time Sehun was facing him, smirking.

“Hi there.”

Kai didn’t reply back,hands still in his pants pocket.

“Kai, why are you doing this?”

Again, Kai kept quiet.

“ I don’t want to keep meeting you here. If you want us to talk we can arrange a meeting ,you know?” Sehun asked,his arms now folded in front of his chest.

Kai glanced at the floor. What he was about to do would ruin him but he knew he would never be able to stop himself. He had tried for years to keep this from happening. He had married, had kids but just one fuckin glance at Sehun and everything had fallen apart. It was an instinct he had run away from , an instinct he had shut off in his depression palace but it had leapt out and now it was unstoppable.

Kai took his hands out of his pants pockets. He gulped as he steadily gazed at the beautiful man in front of him. The other just looked puzzled and slightly sad. Kai took a few steps his way and he stayed still.

“kai?” he asked ,even more confused but didn’t stir as kai kept approaching him. Kai moved his hand and cradled Sehun’s neck, his fingers touching the jewels lightly.

His eyes widened as Kai leaned his face into the other’s .

Their noses rubbing Sehun shut his eyes and Kai suddenly kissed the man.

His lips were fucking soft as fuck and Kai knew he was destroyed. He would never recover from this. Ever.

They were in a hotel room and Kai was lounging on the sofa watching Sehun strip.

Sehun had first taken his jewels off in front of the dressing mirror and now with his back turned, he was taking his shirt off.

“Face my way” kai ordered with his legs spread and wine glass in one hand.

Sehun stilled and slowly turned around. He looked scared. “ You won’t beat me right?”

Kai frowned and shook his head. “No.”

The question that he wanted to ask was why Sehun was asking that but it stayed on the tip of his tongue without ever being verbalized.

Sehun continued, his trembling hands removed his shirt and went for his black pants.

“Stop”

He stopped and looked in his direction.

“Come here.” Kai patted his lap as he placed his wine glass on the glass table in front of him.

Sehun visibly gulped and hesitantly climbed onto his lap, being extra cautious not to meet his eyes.

“Unbutton my shirt” he ordered, his voice all husky, deep and aroused.

Sehun slowly unbuttoned his shirts and kai slowly slithered his hands through his back and waist. He could feel the man’s entire body tremble.

“Sehun” Kai sighed his name and nuzzled his neck making the man moan as he arched his back.

He kissed his delicate neck and bit it lightly,so fucking soft his mind registered just as Sehun had his hands clawing at his hair.

“I’m sorry.”

Sehun puzzled, looked at him “ why?”

“ I can’t be patient today. Is it alright?” kai asked as the urgent feeling to just take the other ran under his skin.

Sehun gulped and nodded.

“let’s go to bed.”

Sehun looked breathtaking. His pale skin was the softest thing Kai had ever touched.

Kai had him currently on his chest with his arse high up in the air. He clawed at the soft cheeks harshly as he licked the man’s arsehole again making Sehun scream.

“ah … kai, not anymore ,I’ll come please…”.

“If you come, I’ll punish you. You know that.”

Kai dove again, his tongue diving in deep into blazing heat as he stroked Sehun’s dick. He had been sure he would be repulsed by the sight of a dick ,oh how wrong he had been ,contrary to that ,seeing the other’s cock had aroused him to no end.

“P-please…. Ahhh..”

Kai pulled back licking his lips and replaced his tongue with two fingers. He knew what to do. He knew it because he had watched it several times. Gay porn had been a shameful indulgence, a secret he made sure no one would ever find out.

He rammed his fingers into the other man roughly, paying no heed to the begging moans.

“ Its not painful?” he asked.

“ahhh, no..P-please kai…”

“Then third should be alright.”

He rammed a third in as he licked rivulets of sweat collecting at the small of Sehun’s back.

“Please….ahh”

“ please what?”

“ Do it already!..” Sehun’s entire body was shaking uncontrollably now and his sobs were resonating throughout the dimly lit hotel room.

Kai immediately took his fingers out and started rubbing the head of his cock between the other’s cheeks.

“ughhh Kai…”

He prolonged the torture by now rubbing his head of cock against Sehun’s balls. His precum glistening he moaned at the sight.

Sehun’s knees were violently trembling now and Kai smirked.

“please..please..please” The begging became urgent and Kai became even more stubborn.

“Sehun you have to tell me what you want.”

“ Fuck me Kai, fuck meee” And kai with trembling hands lubed his cock up with extreme urgency and finally shoved it inside the other’s hole.

Sehun moaned just as kai groaned. The heat ,softness,the tightness ,everything was too much and it was too good. Kai’s mind fogged and extreme pleasure descended his senses. He fucked hard,rough and mercilessly and sehun took it all, he took it with open arms.

“kai ,you’re up?” Sehun’s whisper echoed in the darkness of the night. They had done it 3 times now with the third time with Sehun fainting. Apparently, Kai’s lust had been insatiable.

“yeah.” He whispered back.

“ Why?” Sehun asked.

“ I don’t know” kai answered honestly.

“Is it a one night thing?”

“No” kai answered again, honestly.

“Okay” Sehun replied as Kai felt an arm hug his waist and a head rest on his chest.

Kai kissed the top of the other’s head as he closed his eyes.

Kai awoke with the sight of Sehun dressing up. Sehun smiled ,the smile didn’t reach his eyes , as he met Kai’s eyes in the dressing mirror. 

“I ordered the breakfast to be sent up”

“ Stop dressing” Kai muttered as he yawned and rubbed the back of his hand against his dried up drool. He hadn’t slept this deep in ages.

“What?”

“Do I have to repeat myself?” He stretched his body and arched his back, usually his mornings started with 200 pushups and then a trip to gym but for today he had a different idea.

Sehun puzzled removed his clothes.

“Come to bed and bring the shirt with you.”

“Why?”

“ I need something to tie your hands with.” Kai smiled as Sehun’s eyes widened. He smirked further as he glanced down to see Sehun half hard.

Sehun obeyed and brought the shirt as he climbed back into the bed buck naked.

“Don’t ruin the shirt, it’s quite expensive.”

Kai chuckled as he pushed the other man to lie on his back. He took Sehun’s hands in one hand as he tied them up good. Seeing Sehun all tied up below him immediately aroused him and Kai knew it would be a long morning.

“ Kai please..” He was fucking real slow now, teasing sehun real good as the man sobbed in pleasure.

“You beg a lot ,don’t you” kai smirked as he leaned down to smash their lips in a rough kiss.

“Please hurry up!” Sehun looked annoyed now, which was something considering his face was all red, lips all swollen and wet and eyes leaking with tears.

Kai laughed and obeyed. He upped his rhythm and fucked harder, rougher. Their bed shook as their bodies slapped and made obscene sounds. Kai was drowning in this euphoria. It was like taking cocaine. The pleasure rocked his body as he came into the blazing insides of the trembling man below him who had already come just moment’s prior clawing red welts into his back.

Kai was addicted and he wanted more.

“Kai..” 

They had fucked the entire day and everywhere in the hotel room and Kai still wanted more.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to say something? You know I’ll listen to anything” Sehun wanted closure which was understandable. Kai had basically inhospitably pushed him away out of his life all those years ago and now abruptly pulled him in. He had shoved him aside out of fear of doing this with Sehun then to now succumbing to his fate and doing it with Sehun anyway. That time everything had been a wreck, his father had committed suicide, he had sustained a chronic knee injury which had ended his judo dream, His mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer and he had to take responsibility of the entire household being the eldest. He had refused to acknowledge all of these miserable events and shoved them into the darkest corner of his mind creating the depression palace. He had escaped his miseries. He knew he couldn’t break, couldn’t cry, couldn’t kill himself and so he lived miserably for his brother and his mother. Through all of this acknowledging that he liked a guy, he just couldn’t possibly ever do that. He knew accepting Sehun would destroy his life more and so he ran away from Sehun and ran away from himself.

Then few years later his mother had died of cancer, his marriage had fallen apart with Sarah , the woman he had desperately loved cheating on him and then his youngest daughter had died of cystic fibroses at the age of ten. His depression palace just kept on growing with the option of killing himself always nagging him persistently. He knew he wouldn’t do it though as he had a kid and a dog and his brother. He knew they needed him.

“Kai?”

“ I’m sorry Sehun for what I did then. I just couldn’t. Not at that time.” Sehun didn’t say anything as he patiently waited for Kai to finish.

“So much happened. I had so much shit to do. This,I this is okay now but then ,you know right?” Kai asked hoping Sehun understood his gibberish and it seemed that the other man did.

“Yeah. I know. I’m so sorry for everything. It must’ve been horrible ,all that you faced…I couldn’t imagine ever..going through all of that…”

It seemed like Sehun knew everything, well it wasn’t a secret after all ,of course he did. Everyone knew about the poor old kai and his shitty life.

“Hey, you want to leave tomorrow?” Sehun asked ,pecking his lips as he snuggled closer.

“No, just one more day.” Kai replied closing his eyes.

He needed just one more day in this euphoria. Just one more.

He was dating Sehun now. Weird. That sounded so absurd. He was though. They had moved into their apartment just a month ago and it was nice. Sehun had apparently decided not to pursue Law and had instead opened a boutique. Kai had done the boring thing of becoming a lawyer though and Sehun had been surprised.

After three days in the hotel, Kai had tried to forget and move on but he couldn’t and neither could Sehun. They had met again and again and then just decided to try the dating thing. He had been reluctant in the start but seeing as how the world had changed and had become super accepting it wasn’t terrifying no more.

He had come out to his family first and then his colleagues and now the entire world knew. It had taken years ,almost another decade to reach what was his present. It had been extremely difficult but Sehun had been the courage he had lacked. It made him respect Sehun even more as Sehun had come out to the world when it had been utterly hostile and unaccepting. 

His depression was still there and it had taken him years to open up about it to Sehun. Sehun had cried like a bitch and become if possible even sweeter to him. He loved Sehun, he had always known he did but now he had the courage to embrace it.

He still doesn’t know the answer to all those questions of what he was, what was his purpose and he might never know.

What he knew was though that he would keep living and slowly witness his depression palace crumble and turn to dust. That he knew.


End file.
